The Spiritual Journey

I thought about keeping a journal, but I'm not very good at journaling. Dancing Bear and I have spoken about sharing more here on this site too. She is embarking on a major spiritual quest by studying Druidism. I am finally answering to the call or the push of studying Shamanism.

I titled this "The Spiritual Journey" because life is truly a spiritual journey for us all and though I am studying Shamanism, I am doing so on my own presently--via books, and the internet. I've not found a shaman to study under. So even when I have studied all I feel I can via this way, I won't really be able to say I am a shaman. Becoming a shaman has never really been my goal anyway. But understanding shamanism is more what I hope to achieve. As well as understanding chakras, auras, working with energy, astral traveling, a little bit of everything. Thus, I title this "The Spiritual Journey".

I'm reading many different books on shamanism, that I've begun to list here in the book thread. Elemental Shaman by Omar Rosales is an excellent first step for anyone who is curious about shamanism.

I am now reading Illumination - "The Shaman's Way of Healing" by Alberto Villoldo, Ph.D. This book is also quite interesting, but at times it has gotten dull and I've had to push myself through it. But, it is filled with information and I also feel a must read for anyone who is seriously interested in studying shamanism.

When I got to the chapter in this book about Archetypal death, it really hit a cord with me. I've been interested in shamanism for years now, and especially when I realized through sharing with shamans some of my abilities, they amaze me by telling me that I'm actually doing what shamans do. I've been to the 3 worlds. I never really understood what they were, or thought much about it to be honest. I've been there since I was young and I do recall when going to the lower world, thinking it was just my own imagination where I could go and converse with animals and the trees and plants. In fact, we always lived close to woods, and the woods often would beckon to me, and off I'd run to just sit beside a great ol' tree and daydream. I'd dream about climbing into the tree and going down to the world of a great forest, lush and green and peaceful.

Anyway, I have decided to act upon Dancing Bears advice and share my adventures here. Much easier for me to share it here then it would be in a journal. Perhaps it may spark an interest for someone else too, along the way.

So, I feel urged to share the last 2yrs. of this part of my spiritual quest for shamanism. As I mentioned earlier, I really had no desire of becoming a shaman, and I'm not 100% sure even now, today, that I desire this title. But, I have to admit that I'm being pushed to at least study it intensely before I make the final decision.

Two years ago, I went through what Alberto Villoldo speaks of in his book, "the archetypal death". This is a death that is not a literal death though when you are going through it, it feels that way at times. Or perhaps you wish you were, because it feels so horrible. You wonder how you can ever get over it? It is a symbolic death. It is the end of things as we knew it. this is why it is so frightening. But, actually, it is not the end for us. We will survive this. And, perhaps a small part of us - inside of us, knows this as well. We just don't quite understand how. what it is going to take to survive it. how we are going to make it through this and what changes it will bring to us.

It is said that many people who are called to the role of a shaman have to go through a death. So many, myself included at first, thought this meant a REAL death. dying on the table during surgery, knowing and remembering walking through the tunnel of life towards the light, but then all of a sudden, coming back and then as a result, we have all these amazing abilities--supernatural abilities.

Well, I've never died, that I know of. I have always had these abilities that are not quite common among my peers, though I do feel that everyone has these abilities. some of us just naturally know how to use them, or accpet them for what they are and others do not. for what ever reason.

Two years ago, I suffered a huge emotional and extremely trying time. Then, a few months later, I suffered a major health issue that could've killed me, but it did not. I had a sort of an awakening, but I also began to notice my aiblities waning. The abilties that I've had for all my life. I didn't quite understand, but I was so stressed out dealing with the health issues and trying to get myself back to a stable person- mentally, emotionally and physically that I didn't have much time to even think about studying shamanism let alone do it.

So, I put it on the back burner. Then, another major health issue hit me. sheesh, what is this? I have enough on my plate to deal with. My guides also were visiting me through out these times, encouraging me to push on spiritually. that I had a calling and it needed to be answered.

A calling??? what calling???

The more I ignored this, the more things came at me. good and bad. Finally my guide again appeared to me and asked me what was taking me so long. I knew what I needed to do. I was still dealing with the emotional upset of two years ago, which also I feel is what pushed my health over the edge too. Stress is an awful thing and can really do a lot to you. But, the thing is, it's up to you to finally accept the challenges presented to you. So, what are you going to do?

I listened to my guides and payed attention. Again, shamanism was thrown at me. So, I am studying this. I do know that often, when shamanism is what you need to understand, study, that it can also chose you. And, often it does so by throwing challenges at you. Such as health issues. Such as emotional issues. Such as dramatic changes in life.

These changes can be any health thing or it can be a tremendous loss to you-such as the death of someone you are connected to. Or a major life change such as divorce. these are only a few things life can throw at you, and yes, I realize it doesn't always mean that you need to study shamanism as a result. But, sometimes.....it does.

so, now, back to archetypal death. Alberto Villoldo explains what this is on page 78 of his book. he also explains it as a death where it require us to abandon the old way that we once relied upon to navigate through our life. That is what happened to me two years ago. at least that is when my guides and their plans really got my attention. So, it took me two years to come to a point where I can accept the hardship thrown at me. I don't have to like it or understand it. But, I do have to accept it and decide what I'm going to do as a result of this.

I know that I have to let go of the past as far as allowing the past to still hurt me. What I do with knowledge picked up in life is totally up to me. I can continue to wallow in grief and allow it to hurt me, or I can learn from it and move forward, carrying this knowledge with me and to grow from it.

So, I am ready to immerse myself into studying shamanism. And, I'm going to share my experiences here.